I have been writing and sharing publicly with all of you for nearly a decade now… Millions… And millions… And millions of words have been written and shared on my blogs now.
Just since I started this new blog a few months back, I’ve already written and published more than 100,000 words. To give you perspective, that’s roughly the same length as Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (Book 3 in the series). All seven Potter books together had just over a million words combined.
In other words, I have written and shared a lot over the past ten years, more than I think I even realize sometimes.
I’m beyond fried at this point. I’m tapped out, especially after trying to share about my bipolar journey. I’m both financially and mentally broke.
If I’m being honest, I’ve been doing this with all of you for a decade now, and I really don’t have much to show for it in my own life besides a really big following and a lot of good feelings.
I know that many lives have changed because of things I’ve written and shared. I get messages all the time telling me so.
I know that many people have tapped into a place they couldn’t because of what I’ve written and shared. I get messages all the time telling me so.
I know that people have found hope because of what I’ve written and shared. I get messages all the time telling me so.
I know that by sharing my deepest and darkest spaces, it has helped others explore their own deep, dark spaces. I get messages all the time telling me so.
It is very fulfilling knowing that I have been able to do that as often as I have with my words. It really touches me every time someone connects with something I have written. It has been my sincerest pleasure to have a voice and a platform in this world, and I am beyond thankful for the support and love you have all given me over the years.
But… I need to share two things, and I am going to be completely real without any apologies. I tell you these two things not looking for pity or sympathy, but so that you understand where I’m at.
First, I’m broke. Unfortunately, none of those positive things that my writing has done for the world over the years pay the bills. I have basically gone broke over and over again giving so much of my life and mind. I am able to figure the money side out from time to time, and sometimes I even have figured it out really well for a hot minute, but it is always (for one reason or another) short-lived as the new legs I find get knocked out from under it all. I have somehow always ended up broke in the weird cycle that blogging for a living has been.
It’s a really exhausting cycle if I’m being honest. Currently I have to sell my house that I worked so hard to bring into my life. I recently downgraded my car to something much more affordable. I am selling my furniture one piece at a time. I am selling things I have labored for and love having in my space. It’s exhausting working so hard to provide a really good life for me and my kid, only to keep losing it all again and again.
Second, I’m just mentally and emotionally broke as well. I know you have seen that brokenness and felt it in my recent blog posts. I’m tapped out. I mean, did I mention already? Millions… And millions… And millions of words I have written and shared with all of you now. That’s so much of my mind and my secrets that I have given and shared.
Friends, I do love you all.
It is also time to write my final words to the world, and then stick my neck out and ask for your support one last time.
At first I was going to do that with one single blog post saying goodbye. But I decided that I had a few messages I wanted to leave with the world on my way out.
Those few messages turned into the ten final messages I wanted to leave with you all, and I began to plan and work on laying out those final messages.
But those ten final messages somehow turned into a list of 90 total messages that I want to leave with the world on my way out, and I decided that that’s what I am going to do… I am going to share those 90 messages to the world, one message at a time, and they will serve as my final words on this platform that we have all built together.
Each message will be written to a different group of people.
First I am going to share a message to those who have bipolar disorder. I do have one final message for all of you. My next message will be to those who have people in their lives that have bipolar disorder. It’s a very different final message I need to share.
I want to share my final words with those who have been bullied.
And with those who feel trapped in their relationships.
And with those who have been sexually assaulted or abused as I once was.
And with those who have always felt they live on the outside looking in, as I have.
And with those who have suicidal thoughts.
I have final messages for all of you. Some messages will be long. Some will be less so. But, I do have one last message that I want to share with each of you over these 90 different messages to 90 different groups of people, all with whom I feel I connect with enough integrity to leave a few final thoughts, or to whom I have one last chance to try and make positive change in the world.
I have final words to leave with the lonely. I have final words to leave with both single moms and single dads. I have final words to leave those whose hearts I have broken and to those who have broken mine. I have final words to leave my fellow degenerates, or those with addictions, or those who have always been black sheep in this world.
I have final words to those who struggle with sexual intimacy or nudity. I have final words for those who are workaholics, those who are dreamers, and those who once were dreamers but struggle to stay connected to that part of themselves.
I have final words for those who have never honestly questioned the life they were born into. I have final words for those with big voices, and I have final words for those who struggle to have their voices be heard at all. I have final words for those who struggle with the need to appear perfect. I have final words for those who struggle with the feeling that they are cursed in love. I have final words for introverts and I have final words for extroverts. I have final words for my fellow LBGT in this world.
I have final words for my friends. I have final words for my family. I have final words for my son. I have final words to the person I will love next. I have final words to a god I don’t even really believe in. And perhaps, most importantly, I have final words to write and share with myself.
I have other final words I need to write and share as well, before my voice is heard by the world for the last time, with the last message.
Those words and those messages will be my final words to the world. They will be my final thoughts. They will be my final gift, I suppose.
After that, I honestly have no idea what I am going to do next to make a living or to live out the remainder of my life. It is the first time in my life where I feel like I have thrown all the darts I have to throw, and I have no ideas or plans for what’s next to take care of me and my son.
I just know that it is time to write and share the last words I ever will as a blogger and author.
Truthfully, I will not make much income at all on any of these messages that I am about to write and share. I’ll make a few bucks on each message only, especially considering this time of year when ads really aren’t worth anything at all.
Because of that, at the end of every one of my final messages to the world, I will also ask you to please dig into your generosity coffers and give me and my child support one last time. Any amount… Through PayPal. Through Venmo. Through other means. Please don’t judge me for this as it is not easy for me to ask at all. Please understand why I am asking and how much I wish I didn’t have to.
When I do ask, I will ask that if any of my final words in these final 90 messages mean something to you, or if the millions… And millions… And millions of words I have written and shared with you over the last ten years meant something to you… That you help support me and Noah one last time so that I can actually figure out what is next for Noah and me.
I need your help, but it’s important to me that you know that I do not feel entitled to anything from you. I only want you to support me if you think my words now or in the past were worth something to you. Two bucks. Five bucks. Ten bucks. Twenty bucks. A hundred bucks. I will be thankful for whatever amount of support and thanks you are willing to give me this one final time, and I promise that your support will make a world of difference right now as I venture into the next phase of life.
If you honestly can’t afford any support for me and Noah, that’s okay. I obviously know where you’re at in life, and I give all my words to you as a gift, free of charge, and free of expectation.
If you honestly don’t think my final words (or my past words) are worth a final thank you, that’s completely okay too. Out of integrity, I don’t want your donation. I work for my living, I work hard, and I want what I get paid for to bring value to those who give me something for it. To those of you who don’t find value enough to give, I still give all my words to you as a gift, free of charge, and free of expectation.
And to those of you who do find the value in what I have done now or in the past enough to gift me something at some point in these final 90 messages, please know just how much it will mean to me when you do. It will go toward building something new, or some sort of education/training, or to putting a roof over our heads and food on our table as we figure out what’s next. That’s a promise.
To all of you still following ten years in, thank you. Thank you for ten years of love and support. Thank you for reading the millions… And millions… And millions of words that I have written and shared. Thank you for your comments to me and to each other on all of my posts. Thank you for all the debates. Thank you for having my back. Thank you for chasing out the trolls from the comments. Thank you for your kind messages. Thank you for laughing at all the thousands of memes I personally came up with and shared. Thank you for sticking around through my mental swings, and the changes, and the ups, and the downs. Just… Thank you. I am sincere when I say that I love you, and I needed you all this time.
It’s just time to be done writing before I share so much that there is nothing inside left for me anymore. And thank you for understanding the weight of that statement; I don’t make it lightly. I am running out of anything helpful inside.
90 final posts. They will be my final words to the world. I hope they are truly valuable to many of you. My first message with my final words will be published and shared tomorrow.
Oh, and just a quick note before I let you go… Once these messages are shared, I will leave the posts online until all the main traffic dies, and then I will be pulling the plug on my servers. It costs me between $500 and $1,000 a month to host my blogs, and that has really been a serious burden for a long time now. I tell you this so that if there is any message/blog post you want to keep or remember, make sure to copy it into a personal document or something.
I’ll probably keep my Facebook page and continue sharing my art with all of you, but I might also shut that down for good, too. I will just have to see where I am mentally and emotionally after these 90 final messages. I may need to just walk away from all of it forever. I honestly do not know right now.
Love,
Dan Pearce | Dan Pearce Was Here (formerly Single Dad Laughing)
